By Pamela Rose Williams
It is no secret that sometimes life just takes you by surprise. It can be just an ordinary day and before you know it, your world is turned upside-down. This was the case on May 17, 2018 in a little village called Chippewa Lake in Medina County, Ohio. Though my sister Donna was not at home in Ohio, something happened that profoundly changed her life and the life of many more families and friends. You see, this is the day that Arlee Rose, my beautiful twenty-eight-year-old niece lost her battle with addiction. I was honored to have an opportunity to spend some time with Donna and Rob (my brother-in-law) and many other members of my family as we began to work through the grief for a life gone too soon.
I have had some time to think about the events of that week and as usual, I think the best way I can deal with this is to write. My true goal of this post is to share with you a picture of Arlee Rose with my words. I pray that you are encouraged by what I must say and that you are not offended in any way by some of the truth that I share in love.
A Thousand Words Paints a Picture
I know I have that title backwards but I really do have lots and lots of words that I can use to describe Arlee Rose to you. First know that most of my memories of my sweet niece are of her as a little girl, playing with “the cousins” as my sisters got together. This is because I was away from Ohio for most of her adult life. Even so, the few times I saw her as an adult are also contained in just some of the following descriptive words. Anyone who knew Arlee would agree that she was “BIGGER THAN LIFE”. You always knew when she was in your presence. She never missed an opportunity to let you know what she really thought. She was funny and articulate and spoke up even when it was better left unsaid. She was all girl and the Queen of Selfies.
Moreover, I think it is fair to say that Arlee Rose was:
adventurous, beautiful, charismatic, daring, enthusiastic, flamboyant, gorgeous, honest, intelligent, jubilant, kempt, loyal, maverick, nervy, obstinate, passionate, quizzical, radical, sarcastic, talented, unafraid, vexed, wild, (can you find an “X” word), youthful and zealous.
Something We Need to Talk About
It is also no secret that Arlee was bothered by depression and she was an addict. She was young when she gave birth to my great-niece, Fallon (8 years old) and just six years ago my great-nephew Aron was born. Her relationship with her kids was good but because of Arlee’s life choices she was often separated from them. It seems that her life was in a state of constant turmoil, and for this I am sad. But just recently, things were looking up. Her parents (Donna and Rob), while in the process of relocating to West Virginia, believed in their hearts that their Ohio home could be a blessing to Arlee and the children. Arlee was so excited about having a “forever home”.
Arlee longed to kick her addiction and even began attending support meetings. It seemed like she was doing better. And then, for reasons that we will never know, she felt the need to take that lethal dose. We do not know what was going through her head. We don’t know if she intentionally overdosed or not. Personally, I think it is better not to know. But we do know that because of it her children no longer have a Mommy, her brothers no longer have a sister, and my sister and her husband are missing their sweet daughter. This, of course, is just a small sample of all the people who loved Arlee and are heartbroken and grief-stricken. Perhaps Arlee did not fully understand how deeply so many people cared for her. Perhaps she was so deep in despair that she just could not get out of that miry pit. Maybe she did not know that she could call out to the God of all creation to save her from the sin that held her captive. Even though she was a brave and strong young lady, maybe she believed it was easier to get lost in the temporary euphoria that cocaine and heroin provided rather than face real life.
How Do We Move Forward?
During Arlee’s memorial service I was touched when Mrs. Jordan (the officiate) spoke some words from one of my favorite Christian songs by Casting Crowns. I found a YouTube video that I think you will enjoy.
I cannot think of one family that I know that has been untouched by this devastating epidemic of illegal drug use. Though there is no new thing under the sun (Ecclesiastes 1:9), I do believe that drug use and overdoses are at an all-time high.
So how do we deal with the loss of someone like our Arlee Rose? I wrote something about this in the past and I think it might be helpful to know that there is hope, even when it still hurts. Here are just 5 things that I think might help you heal:
(1) Don’t Rush It
God has a plan to bring your grief to an end and He does it on His timetable. Let Him work through you. God promised a Savior and many people died waiting for Him. We are blessed to know that He has fulfilled this promise in His Son, Jesus. Lean on Him, rest in His arms and give it some time. Everyone grieves in their own way. You are uniquely made by God and you will work through it with His help. (Read Galatians 4:4-5)
(2) Things Change, Let This Help You to Grow
God has a purpose for everything and everyone. Even so, you need to make sure you stay healthy and continue to grow through this process. Remember to eat healthy for your physical health and spend time DAILY in the Word for your spiritual growth. Get out and see people even when you want to hide in a dark room. Do something for someone else so that you do not get stuck in depression as you focus only on yourself. (Read Ecclesiastes 3:1-4)
(3) Healing is Coming, Hang Onto God’s Promise
Some people wait years for healing. Be encouraged by reading about the man that waited THIRTY-EIGHT years to be healed. Find this true story in John 5:5-9
(4) Grace Is Sufficient
When you are blessed beyond measure and you know you don’t deserve it, that’s grace! Not only can grace save us from certain death, it can help us conquer even that most difficult of life circumstances – like the loss of a loved-one. The Apostle Paul wrote about the sufficiency of grace in 2 Corinthians 12:9 “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
(5) Even When It Seems It Will Never Go Away, God Sees
No doubt you will be exhausted and just plain worn out when you are grieving. God has a remedy for this too! He says “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Your grief can be so invisible to others. Know that you can always rest in the arms of Jesus and that God sees your hurt. He wants to hear from you. Let Him hold you and lift your burden. You will be amazed at how that lifted burden will heal your weary body.
Arlee Rose Martin
Below is the slide show that we put together for Arlee’s memorial service. In this case pictures do paint a thousand words.
Help For Those in Need *
Drug and alcohol addictions affect the whole family. The good news is that there is help. If you know of someone suffering from an addiction and their family does not know, I urge you to tell the family so they can encourage the addicted to find help. Some national Christian treatment programs that might be helpful include:
Pacific Hills/Covenant Hills Treatment Center
(800)-622-2873 https://www.pachills.com/#
La Hacienda Treatment Center
(800) 749-6160 https://www.lahacienda.com/services/christian-focus-at-la-hacienda
Addictions and Other Life Issues Resources
* Disclaimer – The resources in this post are not specifically endorsed by Christianity Every Day, they are merely listed so that you might research and check them out yourself as possible sources of help.
